"We're All A Little Bit Autistic "....Aren't we...?

For me personally, hearing this is a bit of an ‘ eye- roll’ moment! It just makes me sigh with frustration and yet again, I am aware that autism is hugely misunderstood by the general population. Surprisingly, even some of the professionals supporting autistic people still say this.

Whilst I accept that not all of the general public are expected to know about autism, I strongly object to perpetuating this myth in professional settings. Suggesting that autism is something that everybody experiences invalidates autistic people’s stress and struggle , making it very difficult to develop and provide access to the right kind of support and understanding that autistic people need in order to thrive.

From the many support groups and forums I belong to, I’m aware that for many autistic people this misunderstanding causes a lot of rage and upset. Why? ..because they feel that suggesting that everyone is a ‘ little bit autistic’, trivialises the amount of distress that everyday social, sensory, emotional and practical challenges cause us. It often comes with the implication “ .. well everybody is a little bit autistic… seems like everyone is autistic these days. We’re all coping with it , so why do you need a diagnosis… ?..why do you need a ‘ label’…?... why do you need to make such a ‘ drama’ about it?!!!”

This can be really demoralising for somebody is just trying to get on in life, but who often feels held- back due to significant difficulties and anxiety in the workplace, in relationships, in just socialising, shopping etc , etc…. It suggests that there is no real difference between us and everyone else – therefore we should be able to do all the things that ‘ normal’ people do…we should ‘ stop making a fuss’ or ‘ stop trying to make out we’re special or something …’!!. This has a huge impact on people’s self – esteem when it’s implied that a task or a situation ‘ should be easy’ for us , when we’re finding it very, very hard, tiring or overwhelming and upsetting.

I wondered if perhaps the main reason that people believe that ‘ everybody is a little bit autistic’, is because they misinterpret the term ‘ Autistic Spectrum’ . So, I’ve created some very basic diagrams, ( I love a diagram to explain just about anything … my children sometimes laugh at me for this !However, I do not have the trait of being meticulous with fine detail- so forgive the colouring in!! :) )…. They are just some doodles to explain a point and not actual examples of my artwork ;) .. Hopefully they’ll make sense….

So, if you take a look at the diagram below, you will see a stereotypical image of what most people think the autistic spectrum looks like :

This is an example of how most people visualise the autistic spectrum; a linear concept where people can place themselves somewhere on the line- one end being ‘ just a little bit autistic’ and the other end being ‘ very autistic ‘ .

This is wrong.

The autistic spectrum is better represented by a circular diagram, like in Figure 1:

Each segment in the circle represents a trait. Everybody has lots of different traits. Autistic people often have , ( for want of a better phrase ), extreme versions of traits, where they are more exaggerated or minimised , coming across as ' different' compared to the general population. Without insights and coping strategies they can present barriers to autistic people thriving in society. Now remember that I haven’t included every possible trait on the spectrum diagram. Autism can affect so many different personal traits in so many areas of life it would be too detailed and complicated, so I’ve just selected some of the most common ones to help me explain and given a few more examples below:

Some verbal or communication traits might include:

-Speaking extremely loudly or very quietly

- Misinterpreting body language/ using inappropriate body language

- Speaking very , very fast or very, very slow

- Not making any eye contact or staring directly into the other person's eyes intensely for a long time and not moving the gaze away during conversation at all.

Some behavioural traits might include :

- Stimming

- Being very ( hyper - ) active /fidgety or hypo- active ie not moving much/ being very still , holding a posture for a long time or moving in a precise, robotic fashion

- Behaving in an overly formal or informal manner

- Engage in special interests / hobbies - fixate on them/ appear ' obsessed '

- Ritualistic behaviours.

Some sensory traits might include :

- Being ‘ hyper – sensitive' to smell eg ; dislikes strong smells, doesn't like fabric softeners or deodrants OR - very low sense of smell... Could sniff things and people a lot or only eat foods that smell and taste very strong .“

- Being highly sensitive to sound; not being able to block out background noise. Sounds all merge together, are sensed as very ' loud' and overwhelming Or may have difficulty hearing; only be able to hear certain pitches ,seek out loud noise to feel relaxed.

- Being so sensitive to touch that some fabrics feel ' lumpy ' ' scratchy' or even cause significant pain sensations.

Some information processing traits might include:

- Being meticulously detailed and organised or #dyspraxic/ disorganised.

- Might have poor executive functioning or #PDA ( Pathological Demand Avoidance)

- Might miss information ; could take in the bigger picture and miss the detail Or fixate on tiny details and miss the bigger picture.

- Have difficulty staying focussed or 'hyper-focus' on a narrow subject of interest.

These traits are caused by subtle, neurological differences in the brain and nervous system and can make autistic people ‘ stand out ‘ or look strange to others.

An autistic person will generally lean more towards a ‘ hyper ' or -' hypo' level within a specific trait, but can sometimes fluctuate back and forth each way depending on the situation.

For example, as a general rule I have difficulty concentrating - I stare out the window, get distracted by any sound/ hunger/ the temperature of the room etc...BUT if I am reading something I am really interested in, listening to a talk about my #special interests or I'm engrossed in a project I'm really excited about, I will ONLY focus on that one thing and nothing else gets in!!

I am very visually sensitive ,but this can be both pleasant and unpleasant. In a bright train station or supermarket it is overwhelming and disorientating. I always prefer to wear sunglasses outside if there is even the slightest hint of sun... BUT I absolutely love sunsets, light shows, art works , pyrotechnics, festival lights. I love them so much they feel ecstatic to me and make me cry tears of joy ( which can be embarrassing when watching the circus !)

I have a tendency to be hyper – verbal . I talk a lot, quite fast and words that pop into my head come out of my mouth quicker than I can control them .... meaning that I am prone to interrupting people, ( although these days I make a conscious effort to slow myself down and leave appropriate pauses when I remember) ! However, when I have spent a day travelling and socialising I become completely exhausted which makes me almost temporarily mute. I can barely string a sentence together. It's like all the words have gone from my head. I've used them all up!!... and if somebody asks me a question I feel like crying.. .....and sometimes I do!

Some non – autistic people possess a few ' hyper' or ' hypo' traits too. Somebody can be perceived as highly sensitive, but that doesn’t mean they are autistic.

“Autistic” means that one must have a combination of a number of traits which impact on our social communication, social relationships, sensory experiences , behaviours and ways in which we process information and interact with the world.

It is a ' spectrum' of traits across a 'spectrum' of areas that characterises autism.

It is a spectrum condition; presenting a spectrum of difficulties or differences.

So, there are lots and lots of traits that could be affected by somebody’s autism and therefore every autistic person is different . Also, the types of traits that affect them will also affect how well they appear to function independently in the world without becoming distressed or overwhelmed ( which can lead to meltdowns, shut downs or stress related illnesses.)

Somebody who is highly sensitive to sound, smell and light, has poor executive functioning and high emotional response is likely to find it very difficult to live in the city.

However, somebody who is hyper- active , has low sensitivity to light and sound , seeks out bright lights and loves going around chatting to everyone might find the city really exciting and enjoyable... though both might be exhausted after a city- break. ( Although both could end up overwhelmed or overstimulated afterwards... this could manifest in different ways ; having a meltdown / shut down .. crying / exhaustion .. or unable to stop being hyper-active, laughing and talking late into the night....)

Below, I have tried to give examples of what two very different autistic profiles might look like.

Figure 2 is a rough example of what my profile might look like :

Figure 2 is a rough example of the profile of somebody I cared for in a care home once :

It is not that either of us is ' more' or ' less' autistic than the other ... we are both ' autistic', because we both possess a range of these exaggerated traits across a spectrum of areas.. it's just the traits are different for each of us.

Figure 4, Shows the profile of a non- autistic person. They might have a few traits that some autistic people possess such as being meticulously organised or having very precise motor skills, but they do not possess exaggerated traits that present differences to the general population across a spectrum of areas.

You see it is the ' spectrum' that makes us stand out ; that makes everyday tasks or relationships difficult.

If you like things organised in a particular way and feel stressed when they are out of order and become annoyed by loud sounds , then if you went to a party at the house of somebody quite disorganised , and there was loud music playing , you might not enjoy it very much. It might make you feel a bit irritated and you might make excuses and leave early. That doesn't make you autistic.

If you like things organised in a particular, familiar way and find yourself at a friend's house , with lots of people you don't really know ( which is a very different situation to being surrounded by familiar faces ) ... and your friend has changed everything around in their home for the party....

.....and you struggle to initiate conversation, (but once you get started talking you can't stop),..... so people just wander off or change the subject before you've really finished talking and it takes time to realise why ....So you scrutinize yourself... ......You know you misunderstand people's body language sometimes and are aware that your own posture and mannerisms can seem strange to people , so you try to mask your fidgety awkwardness and ' behave 'normally'- (which is exhausting by the way !)

.....but the music at the party feels soooo good it is all you can focus on for a while...and it saves you. You manage to take control of the playlist ...and the sounds possess your body and make you dance around the room .. and on the chairs... and in the garden ... with a hula hoop, (because you're obsessed with hula-hooping right now).. . and it feel so good....you can't control yourself .. even though you're getting in everyone's way....( you don't realise until afterwards or the next day- after you've ' analysed' ) ....... The dancing and hooping seem to draw people towards you. They are trying to be friendly ( at least you think they are .. or were they being sarcastic?) , and you struggle to make small talk or don't understand appropriate topics of conversation ..... so you say something inappropriate by accident and people look at you weirdly and walk off.. again....you feel suddenly rejected....

... and your mind goes into overdrive trying to analyse where you went wrong.

..... Oh No! ... perhaps it's because of how you’re dressed …. Is your skirt too short for the occasion?! … are you giving off the wrong vibe ! ?!!... You don't understand how to dress appropriately for a party so you spent , 5 whole days, one month in advance deciding what to wear and you still worry that you dressed inappropriately and now you can't ignore the restrictive feel of your tight skirt and you start to feel self-conscious...stress builds.. there are too many people talking and laughing … all you want is to be cuddled up in the soft fabric of your favourite PJs , …. So you leave and plan to get a train home, but you find the train timetable a bit challenging to understand... and so end up spending more than you budgeted for on a taxi instead....

You over - analyse* EVERYTHING, so when you get home you play every second of the party back in your head like playing back a movie in your mind ( to the soundtrack of the last song that came on at the party which is now also playing simultaneously on repeat )..and you critically analyse every... tiny... little ...thing you said ......and did!

You are exhausted and overwhelmed.... but you can't get to sleep!!

THEN it is more than a bit of irritation. That's autism.

Without established coping mechanisms, this could lead to complete meltdown . Extreme feelings of distress might surface once you stop suppressing everything and return to your home environment. You might feel self - conscious or embarrassed. You suddenly feel mortified ... which affects your self- esteem.( " Why can't I just behave ' normally' like everyone else ?! ) It might make you feel cautious or reluctant to go to another party where you don't know people ever again ..... It might make you shut down for a day or two, so exhausted you can't get out of bed ... becoming tearful at tiny things... and on the second day... you are supposed to go to work.

You see why having a number of traits in several areas on a ' spectrum' makes you autistic... ?

This party scenario is just an example of how it might feel to have a spectrum of ‘ exaggerated ‘ traits. Lots of things become challenging all at once… not JUST the lack or organisation, not JUST the social awkwardness, not JUST the difficulty processing certain types of information … but LOTS of challenges at the same time; potentially turning what could be a fun , social occasion into a distressing, overwhelming and exhausting event . Every autistic person has different trigger scenarios or situations they avoid.. holidays , shopping centres, public swimming pools, restaurants, festivals, theatre....

One or two traits on their own might be manageable, but all of them together impact on so many aspects of our social interactions, behaviours, experience and emotions.

There's no ' little bit' autistic. " Little bit " and " autism" don't go together !

You either are autistic ........or you aren't! ....

BUT.... If you are reading this thinking .."Erm…..well, myself and most/ some of my friends DO possess a spectrum of traits ....and we DO struggle in the ways you describe ", doesn’t that mean everybody IS infact ' a little bit autistic ? "

My answer would be : Not really. It's more likely that you have naturally gravitated to people who are more similar to you and perhaps... just maybe, you have found your own neuro-diverse tribe.............and that's AMAZING! :)